04 February 2005 @ 10:35 pm
So I am finally back.
I returned to the place where the nightmare began.
I am back in Cleveland.
Not much has changed here since I left. Some new buildings, some have been pulled down. But the people are the same. The smell is the same. The memories returned as soon as I made the first step on these cursed streets. And I haven’t been at the Pit yet. I don’t want to go there but I know I will. I know I will have to find out if it still looks the same … if … I can … see something, if it still is obvious what had happened there …
Even the thought makes me sick to the bone.This is the place where everything began. Maybe everything will end here as well. I don’t know.
At first, I need to find out where I can stay for a while. I need rest. Everything hurts from the last few nights. I feel tired. I feel hungry…
05 February 2005 @ 08:30 pm
Ah well. I was so tired while writing my last entry. This wasn’t exactly the beginning I wanted. I guess I should give it another try and start again. I have to explain things before I write down anything. I am sorry. I’m not used to talk to people anymore.I found a cheap hotel where I spent the last hours. I recovered a little and ate something, and feel a little better now. So let’s try it again.
My name is Julian Steele. I started writing into this journal because I have to tell a story. Mh. Actually, a story should have a purpose and a reason, shouldn’t it? Mine doesn’t. At least I do not know why things have happened as they did, maybe there is a reason but I do not know it yet. Well, if I can’t call it a real story then at least I have to tell about events and people that must not be forgotten.
I can only hope that someone will read this journal. Someone trustworthy. I hope that you, dear reader, are such a person.
You need to know some things before I start so you can understand better.
First off, most likely I am different from you. I am no longer what you call a human. I am a vampire.
No matter if you believe in vampires or if you don’t, for this story it is necessary that you trust me. I am a vampire.
This needs a definition, I think. In literature, movies, music, art, vampires are depicted in various ways. In my reality, however, there is only one kind of vampire. Let me tell you how we are, for I can’t tell exactly what we are.
My species consists of living beings. Everyone of us has been a human before, then got transformed into a vampire. This transformation happens in the classical way you might be familiar with … it is overall an exchange of blood. Though the process of turning someone into a vampire requires quite a large amount of blood, we do not die in the process. We aren’t dead, nor undead. We live.
We live longer than you. In theory, we are immortal. We do not age, our immune system is highly effective against all kinds of diseases, our bodies heal very quicky so that we can survive severe injuries. But this doesn’t mean you can’t kill us. We can die and this doesn’t need any special techniques such as impaling or whatever comes to your mind.
What is correct is that we are living in the night. We are extremely sensitive to sunlight.
And of course it is true that we live off other people’s blood. But we don’t kill. We take what we need and go away, and in the majority of cases you don’t even realize that we have been there.
However, I can’t deny that there are vampires, or fangs, as we are called sometimes, that aren’t that careful. Some of us are killers. One of them has got a major role in my story.
I’ll keep it that short for now. It’s enough for the beginning. You should by now have a raw understanding of what a vampire is. You might even be a little afraid if you in fact do believe everything I tell is true. But without much doubt you will never meet one of us in person. At least you won’t remember such an encounter. So … no fear of the dark for now. Or maybe only a little.
06 February 2005 @ 11:55 pm
I already told you that we live longer than you, that we don’t age. We could be 400 years old and you wouldn’t be able to tell. But vampires of such a high age are a rarity.
I am none of those. My vampire life started only two years ago although it feels as if it had already lasted an eternity.
I didn’t want to lead this life and nobody had asked me.
Telling what has happened is the hardest thing for me, and I usually avoid thinking about it whenever I can. I can’t escape the dreams however, and having returned to this city has brought everything back to me, as it had happened right here, not too far away from the hotel in which I currently reside.
As you can see, I am afraid of just starting and telling the story. But it has to be.
Well. The place I mentioned has been called The Pit, short for The Wolfpit. It was a small club in which you could listen to Metal music, hang out with your friends and sometimes watch small local bands playing. One of those bands was named End of Time, and I had been their vocalist for several months back then. We weren’t that bad, if I may say so, and attracted quite an amount of people when we played in the Pit that night.
Actually, it was a stunning feeling standing in front of so many people. The Pit was filled completely, not only with the folks that used to hang out there, but as well with people we had never seen there before. The show went great, maybe it was the best one we ever played. It was also our last one.
Afterwards, we stayed at the place for a while, together with the other bands that had played that night and with my brother Daniel, had some beer, talked to people, helped to tear down our equipment later.
Daniel and I were among the last who left. We went to the parking lot in front of the Pit, happy and also a little drunk.
Maybe that was why we did not recognize the impending danger.
Maybe we could have reacted earlier, could have returned to the Pit, into safety.
Maybe everything would have turned out differently.
But we did not turn back.
The tall, long-haired, blonde man who approached us, having a bottle of beer in his hand and a smile on his face, didn’t make us wary. We thought he’d hung out with his friends on the parking lot, and as he told me that he liked our gig very much, I was happy to hear that.
But then …
Excuse me, I need a short break and a drink before I continue. Something to prevent my hands from shaking …
10 February 2005 @ 12:11 am
OK. I’ll continue before cowardice stops me for good.
Here we go.
The man introduced himself as Snake, a name that matched his icy stare perfectly. Something about him finally rang my warning bell, but it was already too late.
He grabbed my arm with a grip as tight as a vise. Daniel and I were trying to persuade him to let us go, at this point we were no longer fully convinced that this guy was only drunk. But of course it was senseless. Snake raised an arm, and suddenly nine or ten pale creatures surrounded us, their eyes blazing in an unnatural light, glowing green, blue, amber, colors no human as intense as no human’s eyes could ever have them.
Snake finally pushed me against Daniel, and though we started running at the very moment we didn’t come far. The creatures were everywhere. They were so fast that they blurred before my eyes, so quick that I had no chance of defending against only one of the razor-sharp claws, to block any of the blows that came with the force of a steam hammer.
In less than one second I was down on the ground, incapable of doing anything but coiling up, to protect what I could, to provide less surface to attack, but still they did their best to tear me into pieces.
Never before I had felt such pain. I couldn’t think anymore. And probably I’d have surrendered, just lying on the cold concrete waiting for the end, if I hadn’t heard Daniel. A scream that hurt more than any of the wounds, a scream that haunts me in my dreams down to the present day. That terrible sound made me fight once more, no matter how senseless it seemed. I concentrated, I aimed, I let my fist crash into one of those pale faces and saw that even they could bleed.
Amazingly enough, the let go of me … except for the one that I had hit.
He took revenge. Despite his injury I saw nothing but a blurry movement, at first didn’t even realize what he had done, could only stare at the blade that went straight through my arm and pinned it to the ground.
For a second I did not feel anything. But that merciful moment passed by, turning my world into a red haze. And still I could hear that scream, maybe only in my head, maybe in reality, still it made me fight back that haze.
For a short while, there was no deliberation, no planning, just acting. I don’t remember having been the actor, I could just watch myself tearing the blade out of flesh and ground, getting on my feet in that same movement, striking against everything that was in my way, seeing Daniel on the ground a few metres from me, thrusting one of his attackers aside, grabbing my brother and running.
Towards the Pit, towards shelter. I don’t know why they did let us come that far, but we reached the door, desperately trying to get in, but the door was locked. We called for the Pit’s owner, Shadow, but in vain.
He was still there, not inside the Pit, but in his car, he’d almost escaped, but our unknown enemies had been faster.
We ran again.
When another blade hit my leg, made me stumbling, falling, and when they dragged Daniel away from me and out of my sight, my consciousness finally returned.
26 February 2005 @ 06:08 pm
I could not get up anymore, so I was cowering on the ground when Snake slowly approached. The rest of the creatures suddenly appeared far away to me, their voices were nothing more but whispers, even the rain seemed to have parted over me.
The only thing that I could see, sharp and clear right before my eyes, was the leader of that pack.
Each step he took closer to me revealed more, and the sight burned itself into my brain in every detail. First, there were his boots, high and heavy, decorated with shiny buckles. The, torn jeans. A black laced shirt beneath a sleeveless leather coat. A large sword, worn across his back. Long, strawberry blond hair. A wicked, taunting smile. Ice cold eyes, dark brown.
No one attacked me for what seemed an eternity. Nor did Snake do anything besides staring at me, neither showing joy nor hate, just wearing his mysterious smile.
But in my heart, there was rage. Hatred blazing hot, burning everything, almighty, feeding only one wish, leaving only one thought – to kill that lunatic, to take revenge for everything he had done.
I still had my knife.
Slowly, so very slowly as if I were ascending from a deep abyss I got up, the Pit’s wall supporting me as I staggered towards that unreal creature.
He didn’t recede, he just watched, patiently, until I stood in front of him, even as I raised my knife, did not move as I struck, waited until the last moment to push my arm aside without the slightest effort, then thrust me back.
I would have fallen if there hadn’t been strong, clawed hands grabbing me. They came to me, almost all of them, and Snake disappeared behind those bodies as they closed their circle.
They took my arms, holding me between them, down on my knees.
My executioner stepped into my view. I didn’t look up, but still could see the spear he was bringing. He raised his weapon until the pike pointed at my throat, slowly went down, over my chest, then stopped at my stomach.
It took a few seconds.
And not even this was the end.
The pain kept everything from me. The killers, the noise, the rain. Nothing was of importance anymore, not the thing thrust through my body, not the freezing coldness, nothing but the almighty agony … and the weight of my brother falling against me, his hands grabbing mine, the view of him dying … then not even that.
Dark haze everywhere then, blinding me, numbing my senses. Even the pain abated along with everything else as I felt my breath flattening, my heart slowing down.
Although in these seconds, when I was dying, Snake had turned me into a vampire, I don’t remember that. For a long time I did not remember anything. I don’t remember if it took days or weeks or months until I opened my eyes again and returned to a world that was completely different from the one I had known.
I did not die that night. But I was as close to death as one could ever be.Now I definitely need a drink. Maybe you want to have one with me?
07 March 2005 @ 04:44 pm
So this dark part of the story has been told. Are you still with me, dear reader? Well, that’s nice, but be warned, it’s not the only cruel part of it.
The weeks after that night were comparably calm, however.
Actually, I was without consciousness for most of the time. A few times I was awake and looked into the eyes of strangers. They were none of Snake and his company, and that was all I needed to know to continue sleeping and letting my body heal its wounds.
At some point I was able to stay awake for a longer period of time, and that was when I was told what had happened and where I was.
They started with the easier of both questions: I was brought to the refuge of three vampires who were introduced to me as Redferne, Cyrus and Anna.
Redferne was an old vampire who had lived for about 600 years, as he told me later. Coincidence had led him to the place where Snake had attacked Daniel and me. He didn’t hesitate and assailed Snake and his pack, fighting them back, all alone, forcing Snake to leave the place with all of his company.
I can’t imagine how he did it, all I know is that a vampire becomes more powerful the longer he lives, and Redferne as well as his friends despised Snakes behaviour. So Redferne defeated Snake that night, but unfortunately he did not kill him.
Instead, he took me with him, brought me to his refuge and his comrades.
They did their best to save my life. Rearranged bones, stitched together torn flesh. Gave me blood so my body could do some of those repair tasks itself, and let me rest.
It was a good job they did – today I don’t suffer form any leftovers, except for the scars. I am covered with scars, but that is the least price I had to pay for my survival.
When my state was somewhat stable finally, Redferne told me two things that had changed my life forever.
First, that I had become a vampire. I didn’t believe him, of course, and when he had convinced me finally, I already was completely numbed form the other news: They hadn’t been able to save Daniel. He hadn’t become a vampire like me, he simply was dead.
Today, I am glad that he at least was spared my fate. But back in these long, half-conscious, hazy days, nothing could ease that pain, nothing.
I didn’t want to know anything, all I could think was that I had lost everything, that I was completely alone now.
I desired nothing more than death. If I had been able to move, I think I would have done something to achieve what I longed for so badly.
One night, when nightmares mixed with feverish hallucinations and hot pain overwhelmed me, I begged Redferne to do it for me, cursing him as he refused.
He solemnly told me that if I wished to die, I’d have to do it with my own hands. What he would do was showing me the world of the vampires and then leave it to me to decide whether I wanted to live in it or not.
And that’s what he did. He taught me everything I needed to know.
When my wounds had healed enough, he taught me how to use these muscles again, and after those very basic lessons, I learned what I was capable of now.
That I was able to lift heavy weights. That I could run faster and longer than any human. Why there suddenly was so much noise everywhere, so many objects in my view I never had noticed before, so confusingly diverse scents, why the air tasted so differently while actually the air wasn’t different but me.
How I could filter what was essential for me to stand those myriads of impressions which are present to me since then.
How a vampire hunted.
How to use my fangs.
How I could fight, defend and attack.
I’ve never been good at any kind of physical fight, I had always been one of those skinny, weak boys who were better in running.
But now, I learned that running was only one option and not necessarily the best.
Instead, I learned to fight with weapons and without them. Redferne taught me how to use a gun and how I could recognize the sound a gun makes that is pointed at you.
He even introduced me to the arts of fighting with blades and swords, explaining that one day I would need this knowledge.
So I learned, got better, got used to this strange life; and my wish for death got weaker, got replaced by another burning desire: Revenge.What Redferne could not explain was why Snake had done this to me. He just could guess, judging form how he had got to know Snake, and told me that this lunatic did things like that for fun, that he roamed cities, attacking humans and other vampires, randomly killing now and then, and in general acting as if no law could affect him.
Of course, human law is no longer that important for us, but even among vampires, there are rules, and one of them is not to kill if there is no absolute necessity. Which is reasonably supporting the second rule: To behave as inconspicuous as possible.
Redferne and his friends were vampires that made sure that those rules were observed. And that was why they chased Snake and his kin.
But for me it was only important that there was no obvious reason why these things had happened, and that made me angry beyond words.
I said that we lived in a refuge together with two other vampires, Cyrus and Anna. But I hardly saw them. They were seldom at home, when I met them, they were friendly, but I think they weren’t too happy that Redferne had brought me there. He had to care for me for weeks when I hadn’t been able to do that myself, and therefore he couldn’t fulfil his tasks. I had been a burden for all of them, and since a vampire always has to be prepared to vanish without a trace when his refuge has been discovered or threatened, I also was an impediment. I give them much credit for not throwing me out. Compassion is something vampires most often can’t afford.
However, Redferne was the person who talked to me the most, and who, I guess, felt responsible for me.
17 March 2005 @ 12:48 am
Nevertheless, he could not abandon his tasks forever. And as there was a crisis building up in some part of the world, two vampire clans fighting each other, acting so careless that it could only be a matter of time when they would be discovered by humans – hunters especially -, Redferne and his friends had to leave.
They asked me if I wanted to join them but didn’t expect me to actually go with them. And I didn’t – being such a young vampire with so little experience, I wouldn’t have been helpful at all.
So our ways parted.
The other vampires left and I stayed in the refuge, trying to get by on my own. And I mean on my own.
Redferne hadn’t only introduced me to the world of the vampires, but as well arranged my disappearance from the world of the humans. I am recorded as missing person now, therefore my name isn’t engraved on Daniel’s tombstone. I just fell out of their world.
Thus, I couldn’t go to the places I used to go to anymore … if the Pit still had been open, if I had only the slightest wish to visit the place, I couldn’t have done it on order not to reveal my presence.
For the same reason, I wasn’t able to meet my old friends … well, it’s only Gris whom I dearly missed, but he was a world away.
Gris probably would have understood.
Gris would have understood alien invaders, I bet, he’d simply have a beer with them, or two, and talk them into abandoning their sinister plans. He truly is unique.
But even if he didn’t fear me for what I had become, even if he would accepted my … state as he would’ve accepted if I had cut my hair off (well, I’m actually not too sure if he’d tolerate that) – if he kept company with me, he’d be in a terrible danger.
Snake was still chasing after me.
Though I didn’t have any direct contact with him at this time, I knew it well. Redferne assumed that Snake had brought me to his base if he hadn’t been interfered. And he for sure did not accept defeat.
Thus, I still was prey. All I could do was to try and limit the damage to myself. If I had become the objective of this lunatic’s efforts … well, there was not much I could do. But at least I could make sure that no one else got into the line of fire.
It was not easy having no one to talk to about this weird, terrifying situation. I couldn’t trust any of the local vampires, for I could never be sure they didn’t belong to Snake’s clan, nor could I meet my old friends for the reasons mentioned.
I never had many friends, and only three people whom I did trust unconditionally.
One was Daniel, the other one Gris. The third one Gris and I watched dying.
23 March 2005 @ 07:08 pm
His name was Jay, like the brownish-blue bird. Jay had lived in my neigborhood and so he has been there for as long as I can remember. We have been the closest friends. Everything we did together – we have been at the same school, had similar interests, even played in the same band. So many adventures we went through together, knew each other’s fears and wishes so well … and still we could not defeat our last and mightiest enemy.
We could not even understand exactly what was happening. Until the present day it partly remains a mystery to me.
It began during one warm summer night six years ago. Jay and I had been at our band’s rehearsal, practising for our very first live gig. End of Time didn’t exist yet back then, the name of our band was Black Mind. The name derives from an album a band called Rage had just released – Black in Mind – and which has a very special meaning to me.
Anyway, we were eager for playing as new found band, spent almost every night in our tiny, run-down rehearsal room. Small and dirty as it had been, it still had become a second home for us. Jay had been our man on the drums, ambitious, determined and promising, and I already had found my place behind the mike.
Those were wonderful, dreamlike days, we lived for making music, we felt we could achieve everything.
With the happiest moments in my life I can associate songs, tunes, melodies.
Music also accompanies the most dire experiences I made. An ambivalent, gloomy soundtrack it is.
So Jay and I had been on our way home from the rehearsal, comparably sober as music was enough of a drug for us.
Thus, as Jay suddenly stopped, eyes wide in shock, taking breath with a harsh, sharp sound, this was not caused by anything the alcohol had done to his brain.
I had never seen so much horror in a face before. Jay made a shaking step backwards, unable to turn away his terrified gaze. I looked towards whatever he stared at, trying to understand what had disturbed him so much … and saw absolutely nothing.
There was nothing that should not have been there, the street, some houses, cars, lanterns, dirt. No human, not even an animal I recognized, and there weren’t many dark corners that could conceal something. Surely no sight that could cause someone to panic.
I grabbed Jay just as he started to turn around and probably run straight onto the street, completely ignoring the heavy traffic, asking him what was wrong, shouting as he did not react.
I am sure he did not even realize my presence at that moment, he just had one thing in mind – to get away from the horror he was seeing.
06 April 2005 @ 12:53 am
yeah …
have just been told tihs city is practiclally crowded with hunters.
vampirekillers, yaknow.
from now on i am free t decide how i wish to die.
lucky man that i am.better finish tihs bttle qiuckly .. ciould be teh lsat one anyway ..
